So I caught myself looking at maternity clothes online today. I quickly turned the page off and went to a different site. I kind of feel like a single women trying on wedding dresses...major no-no. No jinxing allowed.
I try to not think about getting pregnant, I try to not think about how this expereince would not only change my life, but J&E's as well. But it is so hard to not daydream and wish, pray, hope and cross every finger and toe that this will happen.
I haven't had much contact with J&E since we met. A few e-mails here and there, but honestly, what is the point of bonding and forming this relationship if the pregnancy doesn't happen. I always have to remind myself that this is science, not really nature and things happen in science that you don't want to happen. This pregnancy might NOT happen. It is not what I hope for, but it is a reality that I must face.
So until then I daydream. We have a tentative start date at the end of September, but there is really nothing else going on until then. I am taking birth control pills to regulate my cycle, but that is it.
So in the meantime, I take care of my family, run errands, go to playgroups, entertain 2 littles and wait, wonder and hope....
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