Blah....

Blah...that is how I am feeling right now. It has been exactly 1 week since the transfer and I am feeling; well, blah.....
Maybe because of this........

 This is my 5th test this week. It is so easy to become addicted to taking these things when you are SO badly wanting the outcome to go a certain way, and this is most certainly not the way that I wanted this to go.

 Granted, it is still a little early, I am officially 7 days past a transfer of 4 embryos that were 3 days old....7dpt3d....(total lingo that I am learning here!!) But, if I was REALLY preggers, with lets say multiples, I believe it would have already shown up.

I am learning there is a total science to taking there HPT (home pregnancy test). There are groups and blogs dedicated to what types of tests to buy and on what day to buy them. When I was pregnant with my own babies, I just got the cheapest test at CVS and presto.....So that being said, I went ahead and bought the Clear Blue Digital, the GOLDEN MECCA  of HPT's, according to many bloggers. Many ladies swear that by day 7, if you are really pregnant you will see it on this test. Well you already know what I saw. :(

So what to do from here? Well, I still officially have to go get my blood drawn on Wed the 12th. Here they will check my Beta and that will be the tried and true test of a viable pregnancy. I am preparing for the worst, definitely still holding positive thought that I will have a high beta count and truly be preggers. I just am so sad for J & E if this transfer does not take. I am sad for them and feel so disappointed in myself. Was it me? Did I not do something right? Why did those little embies not stick to my "perfect" uterus? Ugh......so frustrating. I am so used to being able to set my mind to something and doing it. This is a true test of my patience and endurance.

Is there a plan B?  I have no idea.  I have learned you do not talk about plan B until plan A is over and done. I have no idea what J & E will do if the test is negative on Wed. I have committed myself to sticking through this with them for as long as they want to. They deserve that, and I want to give that to them.

So I guess chin up for now, we shall see what Wed. brings.......fingers and toes crossed still pretty please!!!